A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: "Dig!"
He looks around: nobody's there. "I am having hallucinations", he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: "I said, dig!"
So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small chest with a rusty lock. The deep voice says: "Open!"
Ok, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to destroy the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees a lot of gold coins. The deep voice says: "To the casino!"
Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino. The deep voice says: "Roulette!"
So he changes all the gold into a huge pile of roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him with disbelief. The deep voice says: "27!"
He takes the whole pile and drops it at the 27. The table nearly bursts. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball. The ball stops at the 26. The deep voice says: "Shit!"
Friday, August 23, 2013
Season Ticket
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium."
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine.
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?"
"Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not."
"Season's more than half over," he said.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
A man talking to God
The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
Two factory workers talking
Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
Man: “And how would you do that?”
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?”
The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
Man: “And how would you do that?”
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?”
The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
Elephant
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.
The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: “Maybe an elephant!”
Captain
A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
:D
The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”
The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight off the pirates eventually.
The very next day, the Captain is alerted that 50 pirate ships are coming towards their boat. He yells, “Get me my brown pants!”
:D
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Mouthology
A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
“Do you know Biology, Ecology, Zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions.
Professor: What the hell do you know on earth. You will die of illiteracy.
After a while the boat started sinking. The Sailor asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no.
Sailor: “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.
Wrong email address
A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.
The child and his mother
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
Bastard!
Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML
Friday, August 16, 2013
EMO DAD
EMO DAD - Episode 1
Emo Dad is the first animated web series created by Benny & Rafi Fine (TheFineBros) and animated by Two Animators LLP. In the premiere episode, we meet the Emo Dad, who is neglecting his responsibilities, leaving his son to take control of the house.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Who Booty Is It - @Dormtainment
When an unknown booty takes a huge stanky pooty.
The worst possible conclusion is drawn up by the guys.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Friday, August 9, 2013
Don't DROP that DURKA DURK
suddenly a wild Indian man appears
(•_•)
<) )?Don't Drop That Durka Durk!
./ \.
( •_•)
\( (> Ehhhhhh
./ \.
(•_•)
<) )?
./ \. Don't Drop That Durka Durk!
(•_•)
<) )?Don't Drop That Durka Durk!
./ \.
( •_•)
\( (> Ehhhhhh
./ \.
(•_•)
<) )?
./ \. Don't Drop That Durka Durk!
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